Read This! If you laugh your young, if not! Oh go on take the test…

It doesn’t come by itself!

My glasses are on my head
My money is in my purse
My purse is in my bag
My bag is in the car
And I know where that is….

My driving glasses?
They might be in my bag
Which is out in the car
Back out to the car- nope.
They might be in the drawer
Which is half way up the stairs
I’ll go and take a look
Oh they’re on my head!

So where’s my reading glasses?
Not in the car
Not in my bag
Not in the drawer
Someone must have moved them
Oh! They’re in my pocket.

Reading glasses-check
Driving glasses -check
Money – check
Purse – check
Bag – check
Car keys! – I’ve just been in the car
Where are the car keys?
Not in the car
Not in my bag
Not in the drawer
Not in my pocket
They’re in the bathroom
HOW did they get in the BATHROOM!

Right, my coat is on
Got my stuff
Now where’s my banana
C’MON IT’S A GREAT RUDDY YELLOW THING.

The Grass is Greener

You think the grass is greener,
When you gaze across at his,
If you give in to temptation,
You will find it never is.

Be strong and tend your own garden,
Stand stalwart at your post,
You will find the grass is greener,
Where you water it the most.

Read Yourself Slim

Read Yourself Slim,
With the Poetry Diet,
My challenge to you,
Is simply to try it.

My poems and buttons,
Your secrets will tell,
To help you feel happy,
And healthy and well.

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You are not alone.

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Music

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Dwake the Dwunk Duck

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Poetography by gogsieboy and Jokeypoet.

Dwake The Dwunk Duck

Drake was happy and life was good,
He lived by the beach as every duck should,
He’d forage for food and swim for fun
But most of the time he just sat in the sun.

Then one day, something new did appear,
A crate, which held twelve bottles of beer.
With practice he found that by sitting quite still,
He could open a bottle with the tip of his bill.

So the first one he opened and drank all the beer,
And started to notice he felt quite queer,
When he lloooked at the sky it went wound and wound
He goot ip to waddle bot fell back down.

Then one led to two and he sat quite still,
As he prised off the top with the tip of his bill.
With the second one finished his brain felt the haze,
Is overythong doobled om whoch ez dod gaaaze.

And so the druck dunk thought oll jusht has wun moore,
Bit nhow shitting shtill, witch hiz bil, wizh a chor.
Ez westled and gwappled witch ill off hiz might
Bot the lid in the bottly it shtayed raewy tight.

Sho awl e cood do wiz to lay in the sun
Hish head spoonning rrround now it wasn’t such fun
“Ohhh Never again” az he lay oan hish bick
And all he could say was simply Qu’hic’. Qu’hic

Hot Stuff

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Poetography by Lindsay and Jokeypoet

Hot…summer sizzling lazy afternoon.
Hot…vino rosy, drunk a bit too soon
Hot…sun caresses, dream boys croon
Hot…drifting, dreaming, away, schwoom

Hot…on the beach, toned and tanned
Hot…the attention, refined yet grand
Hot…feel the eyes, grains of sand
Hot…dreaming, dreaming nothing planned

Hot…eyes connecting in darkened rooms
Hot…music, pumping to DJ’d tunes
Hot…passion, kisses, feints, heady swoons
Hot…sweat and perfume as morning looms

WAKE UP WAKE UP…ITS TOO HOT.

Smile:-) its free

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Bananas are curved for a reason,
Tomatoes are plump by design,
Throw in a grape for good measure
The result is a smile every time.

A smile as you know is infectious,
It has to be simply passed on,
You’ll know whenever you have one
For the weight in your heart will be gone.

A smile can turn ugly to beauty
Make a face as bright as a star
It’s true that everyone has one
If only we’d learn where they are.

And smiling is ever so easy,
This verse will bring one to you,
Just picture yourself at a bus stop,
Your naked, and now smiling too.

So that is how easy a smile is,
Try sharing at least one a day
The gift that just keeps on giving
Just turn to your friend and say “heigh”

Movember

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Movember’s here so listen up bro,
Put your pride away it’s time to grow,
A tashe will get some huge respect
Then grow a pair and get them checked……… Here’s how.

Take a very good friend and a bottle of wine,
A nice log fire and plenty of time,
Your friend may hold for whisky or gin,
For the task in hand is as ugly as sin. ….. Good luck.

Now strike the pose where the sun shines best,
Just sit back, your friend does the rest,
Before they do lets explain the rules,
They’re looking for a raisin in a bag of bools……..sit back…. Relax

There’ll be lots of groping and fumbling around,
But there’s a real good chance nothing will be found,
So take some pics give us all a look,
At your tashe of course get it on Facebook……..raise C…..for C.

Now if you don’t have a friend and you don’t have the time,
And you don’t have a fire and you don’t have the wine,
Your doc is there you can just stop by
Or there’s the Nike way it’s JDI….

JUST DO IT. JUST DO IT.
JUST DO IT. JUST DO IT.
JUUSSSSTTT DOOOO ITTTT.

Istanbul – Where East meets West.

In Istanbul you feel the pulse of the city,
A city, like Alexandrea, like New York,
Vendors pushing barrows, McDonalds,
The trams scream out “I’m modern”
The people whisper “we’re ancient ”

In Istanbul the men fish from the new road bridge,
The way they did 1000 years ago,
We’re not moving, they say with each cast of the rod.
The cars buzz, one million cars all buzzing,
They replaced carts with cars and left the rules alone.

In Istanbul you can hear the call to prayer,
And they answer, but not before stocking up on their supply of Viagra
Mini skirts are rarer than burkas, but not much,
The streets are paved with honour and respect and men trying to sell boat trips,

In Istanbul you can feel the pulse of the city,
Mosques meet hotels, ancient obelisks tower over the subway,
In Istanbul you can taste the Turkish Delight.

Read your way to a flatter stomach

Keep your liver healthy and keep your kidneys clean,
Both are simply food filters working with your spleen

Each time you eat some sausages, or drink some pints of beer,
Give yourself at least one day to get your system clear.

All food must get filtered
It’s simply what you do,
If your mouth out works your kidneys,
You are going to form a queue.

This queue will take the form of fat,
And sit around your belly,
If it helps its going to be
Unsightly and get smelly.

So choose your diet carefully
Sometimes choosing light
Don’t make it just the bad stuff
You eat and drink each night

And exercise your muscles
They are your friends within
When worked they chomp at fat cells
To keep you nice and slim.

BF 30/10/12